First, I’d like to say thank you for those first-timers, thanks again for reading and I hope you likey. Second, read the other posts they are def good reads from what I am told. To those of you who have read this thing a few times…would you stop texting me how good this is and write it on the blog…dag!! Lol! I appreciate the love always…besos…enjoy!
In 2008, Barack Obama expressed his aspirations for change. Ironically, I wanted the same goals for myself in the year of 2009. Instead of changing within me, I changed for others. I can’t say that the change for others was a bad move, but I can say it was good at that time. I enjoyed every moment of it, both good and bad because I knew that every day and every event was a lesson learned. As the days turned into months things around me started to change. Then, it changed me. Not for the better but I knew I had to do something to get over that bump in the road. I had to stop living for others and make the change within. I had to do something…I put on the one thing that keeps me sane, music. Album: As I Am. Singer: Alicia Keys Feat. John Mayer. Song: Lesson Learned.
I think I listened to this song twenty times in a row, today another fifty. I knew this song had inspired me to get over whatever was bothering me and keep it moving. I knew that I couldn’t let anything, let alone anyone, stop me from being who I always knew I was, a strong woman. That’s where Barack comes into play. He emphasized CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE, throughout his campaign. I am not one to follow politics but I knew this message would mean something to me later down the road. Today it does. Yesterday it didn’t. Tomorrow it will. I am not perfect and I am far from it. There were things that I have done that I would have never done in my life in the past year. But it’s amazing what a little bit of change can do. It’s amazing how people will provoke you to change as well.
One thing I never understood is the saying, “If it ain’t broke, then don’t fix it” because there was always something wrong!! Again, no one is perfect and I can give you that much credit but when you come to realize that there is no effort being put forth to change. Then why should I? I know it may seem childish but I am a one woman team! I can fight an Army alone but do I really want to? There is nothing like a support system but there will be days when you will be alone. Maybe you feel alone every day. Maybe a support system is the missing piece of the puzzle and you may think that should be the answer to start changing. Maybe that support system you once had, you knew would be gone because of this change you can’t seem to avoid, and you would be all alone after all… in the end. Why bother to change? Yet, you really don’t want to be alone and you know you shouldn’t be alone but that is all you know, being alone. So what do you do? You change…not for the better though, but why? I can’t answer that question because to me, change is always for the better. You can pretend to change and that means you will change to show others around you that you are doing your thang, thang and that your life is golden after all. But, you can’t be at peace with life if you don’t have peace within yourself, hence, my need for change. For the better that is…
This year I promised myself that I would be selfish. I wouldn’t give one hundred and ten percent of me to others because I wanted to remain one hundred and ten percent to myself. I knew that I would be the only one to make me as happy as I knew I wanted to be before I allow someone else to do it. Everyone who knows me that my mouth is reckless and can get me into trouble at times and yes this is something that I need to change. But, this reckless mouth of mine tells no lies and exudes nothing but the truth. Yes, it can be ruthless and hurtful at times but I only speak how I feel when I feel I am treated the same. No one wants to see someone hurt and nor do I. I never want to hurt anyone but when fire is brought its fire you shall get. Yes, another childish act but who doesn’t do that? I mentioned prior to this blog about New Year’s Resolution’s and that whole thing about having a Happy New Day and not a New Year. Thank God that He has blessed me with forty one days of this New Year and has brought me forty one days that I can say I am happy about. I have learned a new lesson every day since the New Year has started. Even with many sleepless nights and many mind wrenching days along with many heartwarming days and unbelievable nights. With the new acquaintances and some old ones I have embraced every moment of growth that has come my way.
I can truly thank the year 2009 for all that it has brought me and even taught me. It has taught me to love, it has taught me to hate, it has taught me to take care of people when I may not have even wanted to, it has taught me to be a woman, and in the words of my girl a.sade (wink) earlier in the week, to be a phenomenal woman, it has taught me to love unconditionally, it has taught me to embrace others at their weakest moments in life, it has taught me to be there for anything no matter what, it has taught me to take a step down and let a man take the lead when he needs to take the lead, it has taught me to be the Princess my parents have taught me to be, it has taught me that no man will EVER break me down and try to pick me back up with nothing being discussed EVER, it has taught me to be an exceptional student to The Father of all human kind, it has taught me that through the power of prayer all things are made possible, it has taught me that not everyone is looking for something from me, it taught me that I can call on my friends to lean on, it taught me to love football, it taught me to make ends meet, it taught me how to cook, it taught me to clean, it even brought me a little bit of maternal instinct, it has even brought me to tears beyond belief, it has brought me heartache, it has brought me strength to keep fighting for what is rightfully mine in this world I call my home. But, I can say this with complete confidence that I can go on and on for another five hundred words or so but at the end of the day, every step along this road to 2010 was worth every step because it has made me more confident than I will ever be.
I hope 2009 was worth it for all of you out there reading this today because just as I have embraced every moment of 2009 I am sure your 2010 will be filled with the same if not more of what it has brought to you as it has brought to me. I pray that the next three hundred and twenty four days bring me more of the above and then some. Take every day as Ms. A. Keys has said, as a Lesson Learned because “ it can’t get you down…it’s all right… it’s called the past cause I’m gettin’ passed and I ain’t nothing like I was before. Yes I was burned, but I called it a Lesson Learned!” Know that!
My heart has spoken today and today I shall move on from here, to tomorrow’s lesson…
Peace and love….
Ms. Nadie La La