Let me start out by saying I had a very hard time writing this blog. It has been a question on my mind for a few months and finally I am able to answer it! I will write this from a woman’s stand point (obviously).
So, how to be an individual while being in a committed relationship?
I strongly believe that there is nothing wrong with a woman who is independent, self motivated, educated, financially advanced, and has it going on. These women exist and I know that men are attracted to these women by nature. They stand out and they can hold their own. Less work for a man in the beginning, however, this independence must vanish if you expect to be in a serious relationship. Most women who are independent are looking for Keanu Reeves (The One) and are almost willing to do what they can to keep him. They are willing to sacrifice some things except the empire they built or are in the process of building. Women are expected to no longer focus on themselves and begin to focus on their significant other and what they could possibly be, together. You are expected to love unconditionally, practice being a wife, and fulfill your partners dreams of what HIS wife should be. Granted, as a women you may not agree with half of the things he expects you to be and vice versa but you have to compromise. BIG TIME!
I watched a brother give a sermon recently, he goes by the name of Miles Monroe and he literally must have been standing in the room with me and beating me over the head with his words. They were clear as day and just put things into perspective for me. When I realized my role as a woman on this planet I cried. I heard a statistic recently that 83% of black women are single! I don’t want to be a part of that statistic. I don’t like the thought of being a part of any statistic that goes against what I believe. But Brother Monroe read a verse and broke it D-O-W-N from Genesis. Genesis 2:18, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” Key word there is HELPER not an EQUAL but a helper. It is nice to have a second income in the home, it is nice to come up with great ideas every once in a while but you are solely there to assist. You do not have an identity. You are there to help. I cried a little and I know some are reading this and saying this woman is crazy but to know what I have come to be, this independent woman, but if I want to be his wife one day I must know how to be a wife first. We can grow a business together; he will make sure I am taken care of because that is what God put him on this planet to do. It is in his nature, he was born to do it. So that individualism really doesn’t exist. It is important to keep a close friend around. Sometimes you just need time away. Notice I said friend not plural because gradually you won’t have as many as you used to. Some are single, some are married and if they are married then that is a bonus because you will be able to hang out in groups.
Just the thought of knowing that I can no longer be this independent woman that I aspired to be at one point in my life saddens me a bit. I know that I will still strive to become a doctor one day like I‘ve always wanted and I know that my future will support me and my decision on doing so. However, I know that I want to be a wife some day and sometimes you have to give a little to get a little. Somehow, you end up just fine though. I am not worried I have God on my side!
Also notice the topic, how to be an individual while being in a committed relationship, we are talking about one person here with the word individual. When you become married you become ONE.
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