“I’m Not Married, I Just Have A Tan On My Ring Finger!”

Thanks again for reading this past week. This week is definitely going to be a little different. 

Over the last week besides going on a mini vaca, I have been asking some people a serious question: Have you ever dated, messed, slept with a married man or woman? To my surprise 87 percent of the people I asked have. They didn’t seem to care either. As long as they did not know the spouse they weren’t bothered by it.     

This statistic seems a little bit high to me. There are so many questions behind it that I do not know where to begin. This blog will probably be filled with a lot of thoughts so just try to keep up.

Marriage is sacred. I do not know where and when it became a fad to be married and worry about all the things that come along with being married later. But, why would you get married to someone if you only “like” him or her? You can assume that the love will be there later, and that you really care for this individual, and it’s the “right” thing to do. But, why would you even bother to go there? Marriage is supposed to be eternal. It was a vow that was sacred. A vow that you repeated in front of the minister, friends and family that you would “continually bestow upon him/her your heart’s deepest devotion, forsaking all others, keep yourself only unto him/her as long as you both shall live?” Wow!

I do not know whether I should be upset, confused, nervous, or angry. Not saying that every husband or wife cheats on his or her spouse but this is a huge number. I had a conversation with a friend of mine for at least an hour about this and I am sure it could have gone on for another if we would’ve let it. Basically our conversation was more on the confused and nervous side. What happens when we decide to get married one day and our husbands decide to cheat because he just didn’t think the marriage would be what he thought it was? Or what happens when we have our first argument and he decides to “clear his head” then he cheats? What happens if I decided he just doesn’t do it for me anymore and I cheat? What if he just isn’t affectionate, or doesn’t want to cuddle, or takes the cooking, cleaning, and keeping the house in order for granted and just stops coming home during his normal time? Is that grounds for me to say, well okay if he used to come in at 6 and now its 10…could I possibly have time to cheat? Is he cheating? What goes on in a husband or wife’s mind to say okay I want to cheat now?

It can be a lot of reasons, but I want to know why are single men and women agreeing to do so? Is there not enough men and women in the world to go out and get your own? Is the husband or wife approaching you? As Yazmeen mentioned in the blog about insecurities, most men have it hard because they have to do most of the approaching. If this is the case why are women not putting it out there that they are married? I do not care about what problems you have at home you need to stay committed to your husband. Granted it may be the worst situation you’ve ever been in, EVER, and you just cannot deal with what is going on at home. Well then you need to file for a divorce. This is where we grew nervous, because I’ve heard men say this and I’ve seen females do it. You go out and put your best on just to see if you still “got it”. Okay great you still got it, your game has not left and there are still naïve male and females roaming the Earth. GREAT. All the while you have never taken off your ring. Like really? This is attractive? Having someone who you know is taken yet you still want to try to see how far it can go? Its new territory and you decide to just keep it in “jump off” status so why not?

Well what happens when it gets deeper than that? What happens if you grow to love one another and you’re still married? What really happens is one party demands more attention and affection, and I want you to stay the night or can you call the hubby/wifey and tell them you had to work late so you can stay a little while longer? NOOOOOO!  Please do not do this! Once you find out your spouse is doing the same you want to freaking kill them, right or wrong? All of a sudden he or she is your property once again and he/she can’t do what you have been doing for the last few months. How do affairs last years? No one is that naïve to just ignore what’s right under their noses. NO ONE. Especially not a woman! We have this intuition that is definitely like a sixth sense. It is the strongest and the one thing you need to pay attention to at all times. It will never steer you wrong! It’s amazing how it never does but you just know something is up. Now here is another issue about this thing called intuition, you may have the most solid evidence to prove that your husband or wife is cheating but you will never say anything because everything else is good. You have too much to lose, you have children, he is the bread winner, you love your home, you like the life you’ve built, no one can cook like her, she takes care of all the kids, she has the schedule set for the family, she knows when all the bills are due, he knows how to fix all the little electronics, no one will deal with all the bs I’ve put him/her through, well I’m sorry to tell you but this should have all mattered prior to the cheating took place.

I love how when you are gone everything matters in the end. No it should matter all the time. I should appreciate you now, I should have appreciated you before, and I WILL appreciate you till death do us part.

So please tell me why do you want to get in the middle of a persons mess of a marriage? But I just thought of something! What if there is nothing even wrong? Wow. I can’t! See nervous. I do not know what would possess an individual to get married in the first place then. Was it just a good idea to do so? Was it because you were making others happy? Was it because you felt pressured? Was it because people kept asking you when are you going to marry that person in your life? What is it? You shouldn’t do anything especially something so serious as marriage because someone made you. That’s just ridiculous. I understand there are arranged marriages, and we won’t go there, but the last thing I want to hear someone say is that they got married because it was to make someone else happy. That means that you do not have a mind of your own and that you will settle for anything. Never settle. YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. At least compromise with the other party but never settle. That way both parties get what they want with little cost. Settling doesn’t get you anywhere, it only creates more madness, more problems, and more what ifs, no one wants to worry about all the “what ifs?” You should just want to worry about how to keep your relationship rockin’!!

So please, please, please do not try to get in the middle of the madness, if a man decides to propose to his lady then that means you’re off the market. BOTH OF YOU!! He will only propose if he knows you’re going to say yes. So you’re saying yes to loving one another, you’re saying yes to being together forever, you’re saying yes to being faithful till death, you’re saying yes to all the good, bad and everything in between. So just like Floetry: All you gotta do is say yes! When you say yes make sure you are saying yes to all. It’s okay to say no if you’re not ready. Say yes and postpone the wedding, but don’t keep him/her waiting too long, just make sure you do it right.

So lets paint the picture for my single readers: What if you’re having a night on the town with your friends and a man or woman that you were eyeing all night decides to come over and talk to you? You were waiting for this moment all night long and they ask for you’re number…you see that cell phone come out and as they grip onto the other side of the phone, or they go to grab a drink, or they go to fix their hair, if they are a female, you notice something nice and shiny. What would you decide to do? Do you take that risk and go down the yellow brick road or you dead it right there?  Let’s go I’m ready for this one…

Nadie La La

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