What keeps a man or woman insecure about their insecurities?

5 Apr

What is it to be insecure? According to Dictionary.com it means lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt. I can say for sure that when I think about insecurities I think of women automatically. We are always insecure about something. Maybe it has something to do with the way we see other women today. Celebrities always seem to be “perfect” but then you will always see them on a tabloid magazine cover bare and exposed. I do not know one person who is not insecure about something. There are so many things to be insecure about. Both men and women share the same insecurities and sometimes a woman cannot understand what it is like to be insecure from a man’s perspective.

As a fan of many author’s, Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment, probably made it easier for me as a woman to understand what it is a man could be insecure about. In a nutshell he basically said a man could not provide for his family or wife if he was not satisfied with where he was in life. This man could be insecure about money, education, religion, and even love. If he is not bringing in a steady income due to a lack of education and he isn’t right with God then how else would he be able to provide for anyone else if he doesn’t think he can provide for himself? Never once would I have ever expected a man’s actions could be a result of this. Granted most men are never are vocal about their own issues. They have this gift that allows them to keep their thoughts, plans, goals, to themselves and this allows them to put their thoughts, plans, and goals in action. I say gift because women are more vocal. We aren’t afraid to voice our opinions, thoughts, plans, and goals. I added opinions because whether you want it or not, we will give it. I laugh as I write this because it is so true. There are plenty of times I wish I were able to be quiet and keep my mouth shut in certain situations because at the end of the day the thought, plan, or goal was going to help both of us. Instead, I created an argument that was unnecessary. Goes back to the saying know your role. I guess.

As far as the female is concerned, I believe the number one concern is image and weight. This can fall under two different topics but they fall under the same category. I have never really been obsessed with my image or weight. I don’t like attention drawn to myself but I guess dressing nice means that I do like attention. I disagree with this. I wear what I want to wear because I think it looks good. I step out of the house presentable and I think everyone should. There are some days I will step out of the house in sweats and I will get approached the most on this day. To me it doesn’t matter. My weight, another thing I have never been obsessed with.  If I am 110 pounds or if I am 175 pounds, if I feel good within then I do not care how much I weigh. I think the scale is the devil. There’s a saying for dating, age ain’t nothing but a number, why couldn’t this be so for weight. I do not like scales. My homes have never had scales in them. You can be a healthy 175 as a woman. You can be a healthy 220 too. As long as you are active and eat healthy who cares about what the scale says. Now, I do eat whatever I want but I also eat about five times a day. This is how I stay the same size, weight, and shape whatever you want to call it. I do exercise a few times a week. I really enjoy yoga and Pilates the most.

However, if a woman isn’t happy with her weight and her partner is then why are we complaining! I will never understand the science behind this but a man will always love a women’s body. You can gain 30 pounds and he won’t even notice. You will kill yourself because of this and he will still love every curve. AMAZING! I won’t even write anything else about that topic I may convince them not to. LOL.

There are so many things that people are insecure about. At the end of the day I believe we should be thankful for what we have because not everyone is blessed to have these qualities that some of us complain about. Everyone can do something to prevent this one thing from being insecurity. Love thy self.

I’d like to know how you feel about insecurities not necessarily what you are insecure about but just what you think about the topic. If you are comfortable enough to talk about them then feel free to do so. Always feel free to email me at nadiesbrain@gmail.com. Also, follow me on Twitter: NadieLaLa.

Thanks for the love and support,

 Nadie La La

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6 Responses to “What keeps a man or woman insecure about their insecurities?”

  1. Yazmeen April 6, 2010 at 9:28 am #

    Yes i believe you are very right. People are insecure about everything. I guess just like you I never really took the time out to think about what a man can be insecure about. Actually now that I think about it I am happy that I am not a man in alot of aspects. They are usually the ones who approach the females, and if they are insecure whether goodlooking or not, they may miss out on their soulmate. Shoot or never really get dates at all! Another thing is typically Black males do not go to college let alone finish so in the aspect of the professional world, may not seem fit for professional jobs due to the lack of higher education. Then they may get with a woman who makes more than them and maybe as a male feel insecure due to this. Sheesh that is a lot to deal with. But I think a cure to all this as you said is Love Thyself! Because if you love who you are you appreciate things that happen to you in life, especially people who are very spiritual. And with this you will know that everything that is you is you for a reason. Furthermore you will know that things can always be worse but as long as you love who you are and appreciate what GOD puts into your pathway you will walk with a smile everyday and just be happy n forget about the insecurities that you have!

    • princessnadielala April 6, 2010 at 1:58 pm #

      Hey Yazmeen!

      I agree with you, I am happy to be a female for a lot of reasons, and I have to say in the past I have been bold with my approach but I wouldn’t know how I would feel if I was insecure about my looks and had to approach a woman who would shut me down anyways. You never know. Like a midget for instance, they need love too, but how to they find love? I am sure there are plenty of ways nowadays to find love in all the right sizes but this can be something to be insecure about.

      In the past I have blogged about men who make less than their counterparts and I agree. This is something to be insecure about. I have never thought about how a women feels about this. I know society expects for a man to make more than a women all the time but, I am sure there are some women who do not like this. I know I want to feel like I contribute to what WE have going on in this house. What if you are a women who has a problem with your man being the bread winner, then what? Man this is a bit much. I am sure there are some females out there who want the dominant role in the relationship.

      Before I go I want to talk about your last sentence, “you will know that things can always be worse but as long as you love who you are and appreciate what GOD puts into your pathway you will walk with a smile everyday and just be happy n forget about the insecurities that you have!” Wow that is powerful and it is so true. I have a girlfriend who always reminds me that God will never put anything in your path that you cannot handle! I cannot agree more with you Yazmeen! I’ve been through so much in life and it has molded me to be the woman I am today. I hope and pray that people can learn from their mistakes and continue to love thy self it is the only thing you have in the end! The saying “ME, MYSELF, AND I” is a saying for a reason.

      Thanks for bloggin girl!!

      Nadie La La

  2. supawumyn April 6, 2010 at 12:15 pm #

    Well not that I think about it some men show their insecurities in various ways, for instance what about a man who can never get on his feet although he “thinks” he’s trying. Some men are so insecure that they bring unnecessary attention (negative) to themselves without even realizing it.

    Insecurities comes for lack of confidence, lack of knowing oneself and not know that you are loved. Anyone can feel this way…….when insecurities develope in a person’s mind and heart it can destroy any relationship that you are in because you over compensate for it by trying to out do the next one instead of allowing a person to guide you. I think that even if a man looses a job, doesn’t complete higher education he can be successful and over come his insecurities by taking action, pushing forward and proving to oneself that you are doing the best that you can.

    It’s true – the stereotype – that society places insecurities toward women and as true it may be both sexes have them.

    I used to question myself on everything…why? I was insecure. I didn’t trust that love is real…why? I was insecure. No matter what people have said to me about any good qualities I had or have I didn’t or don’t see them in myself…….why? Because I’m insecure. Being insecure is a danger quality to have but hard to get rid of. I’m sure it’s the same way for men. Some men are insecure about pleasing a woman……… that’s a stereotype that is ingrained in a man from youth on. (what size is your shoe?)

    Also for women with society, large breast, big butt and hour glass shapes. This puts women who don’t have these physical qualities in a mental state of insecurity. This is why women get breat implants, butt implants, etc…. society also demands that women who are light skinned are pretty…….. again making the darker skinned women feel unworthy……brings on insecurities. Again as for myself………. I fit into that latter catagory…….

    Sad to say it’s all our different insecurities that we as women and men should try to over come, not an easy task but we can try.

    • princessnadielala April 6, 2010 at 1:45 pm #

      Supawumyn!! I am cheering over here! I was going to put that in the blog about ” why women get breat implants, butt implants, etc.” but I wanted to see who would say it first! Snap! I am so glad you mentioned this because it is so true. As an ethnic woman I am blessed to have these features and I am glad that I do not have to pay money for me to have them.

      It is so true about men developing insecurities that can destroy any relationship and bringing unnecessary attention to themselves without even realizing it. Sometimes I do not understand how someone can “create a monster” and not be able to see that they are destorying a relationship due to this “monster” of theirs. It’s like you want me to be around, you want me to be your support system, you want me to understand everything you’re going through but how can I if you don’t let me?

      This reminds me of Tyler Perry’s new movie, “Why Did I Get Married Too?”, how Troy was so concerned about his big secret getting out, (not having a job) and how everyone would view him. His wife begged for him to talk to her about it and wanted to understand what his mental battle was. This is a perfect example of a man’s mental battle and deal with insecurities.

      Thanks for the most and continue to love thy self! It is the only way to overcome insecurities!

      Nadie La La

  3. melissa braley April 6, 2010 at 12:26 pm #

    I feel that insecurities comes from fear. Idk about it being different on male/female like u broke down in blog. Self image does seem to be the main insecurity that people have in this time. I assume for the reasons u list; media, celebrity image. If u walk out of the house a confident person ready to attack ur fears full force, insecurity won’t be there. If u walk out of the house with the lack of confidence; whether it be ur self image, ur goals in life…insecurity will be on ur shoulders. The weight of it on ur shoulders can impact so much. Idk, that’s my thoughts ms naddy. Thanks for a good thought.

  4. princessnadielala April 6, 2010 at 2:47 pm #

    Melissa,

    I agree with you, when you hold the world on your shoulders it can bring you down. It can drain you mentally and physically. Not everyone is built for this situation. I used to let everything bother me and I think I still do most of the time but I try to let stuff just roll of my shoulders because my health is more important.

    Granted I am the biggest Angelina Jolie fan and Will Smith too, but if I tried to make my lips look like hers, I would be so upset because they wouldn’t be exactly like hers! Someone would mess them up if I tried to get plastic surgery to make them just like hers. Again that is what makes her. She’s so cute, lol, but you get what I am trying to say. Everyone has to be happy with what God has given them.

    Thanks for blogging.

    Nadie La La

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