Others vs. Me

“People are our sunshine, our soil, our rain. When are we going to stop surviving off of people and start living for ourselves?”

– Nadia A

I wrote this quote in the middle of my notes during my Psych class this evening. We were learning about personality and I wondered when will I ever start living for myself? As long as I can remember I’ve always put someone else before me. I can’t say that is necessarily a negative trait but I don’t see much positive in it either. I allow others to “change” me for the time being. I am so wrapped up in being who they want me to be that I forget to be me. Whoever that person may be is an amazing person… before the change. That is who I need to become all the time. I do not want to be that wife and mother (one day) who starts living her life once her kids are ready for college. I am sure I wrote this in a blog post before but for some reason it sticks this time. I am a habitual thinker who is extremely observant and a genius in my own right. Who isn’t? I won’t say that my mind and the way it works is a negative trait because it is something God gave me yet how I use it… well that’s another story. I am learning and unlearning at the same time. Change can only happen if I want it to. One cannot allow another to change them if they are not ready to be changed. I want to change me and someone else may not agree with that change but the people who are supposed to be in my life will embrace the change and accept me for who I am.

This is a new season! I have a new outlook on life and what it means to truly be me and I am looking forward to tomorrow… you should too.

Nadie

Every Woman

“Inside of every woman lives a needy little girl wanting to feel pretty, loved, secure. Expose her to her imperfections, toy with her desire to feel loved, rattle her sense of security, and you bring that needy little girl to the surface.” – Steven James

67 Ways that Make Him Feel Super Respected

http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/67-ways-to-make-him-feel-super-respected/

65 ways that Make Her Feel Special

http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/65-ways-to-make-her-feel-special/

Awesome read for men and I’ll post the the one later for women.

Love… Pt 3

“…Love is something you do for someone else, not something you do for yourself.”

-Gary Chapman

Love?

Love…it’s truly under rated and if love is love why do you always end up getting hurt?

Before. During. After. It’s just a constant mental battle that forces you to …borderline insane. How much is love really worth?
Is it worth the tears on the pillow? Is it worth never ending headaches? Is it worth being secluded from the world? Is it worth hunger? Is it worth the thoughts of constant evil thoughts running through your head? Is it worth this? All for love?

What one dreams of becoming when they are stuck in a teenage flung. What one dreams of when they are young. Big house. Picket fence. Dog. Kids. It is worth all this and its just love?

Love starts off heavy and intense with strong words from another existance. Words that sound the sweetest but today if you heard it you’d wonder if this is really coming from the meanest.

Love is never ending.

Love can start from the floor and to the highest where the birds soar but all of this can mean nothing if your heart wasn’t like a door.

Opening and closing, allowing what you want in and keeping what you want out.
I say all of this because I want to scream and shout.

I am in love!!!! And I can tell you what love is.

But what it may mean to me could be simply a cup of blossoming tea.

That doesn’t stop me from being in love because my love is not the same as your love.

(This WordPress app on my phone doesn’t let me break up the sentences the way I would like so sorry. Hope you enjoyed)

Hello to my new followers and subbies! Thanks for the support!

Three A’s

“The three A’s of cherishing a woman are: attention, affection, and appreciation. Neglect destroys a woman’s spirit.”

– Rabbi Dov Heller

Silence

Silence is a girls loudest cry.

-Anonymous

The Call of Forgiveness

I was calling to inquire about the current rates at the mortgage office and the voice on the other end sent chills up my spine. It’s a voice I never thought I’d hear ever again. Yet, the distant offensive memories came back as if they just happened yesterday. Various words of abuse and cruelty resurrected, words like “I hate you”, “go cheat on me with that guy you work with”, or “I don’t even know why I am with you, you get on my nerves”, yet hours later I am graced with words like, “You’re the best thing that happened to me”, “I missed you all day”, or “Let’s go to Vegas and get married this weekend”. This all came to the forefront and on the other end I heard, “Hello? Hello?”   Yet again the voice makes me cringe! All I can think about is him dragging me across the room on the night he got upset because I questioned him about his ex texting him all of a sudden. Him cursing me out repulsively because I kept questioning him about it for the last week; this was the supposed reason for him putting his hands on me.

 Just the night before, I was awoken and asked, “What type of diamond I would like as an engagement ring.” “Hello? Hello?” again the vindictive voice rang in my ear and I respond, “Yes, I forgive you for ruining my inner peace and happiness for a very short period of time, I forgive you for putting your hands on me even though you deny doing it, you said “It wasn’t like I hit you” so that makes it better or less of an offense? I forgive you for breaking my heart into pieces yet giving me peace because I am FREE, I forgive you for the years of verbal abuse, the emotional abuse, and your kind words that you THOUGHT would make everything better, I forgive you for not stopping me from getting away from that poisonous relationship. Did you hear me? I forgive you. And I know I have peace and my heart no longer will remember you or those things because of MY Lord and Savior.” CALL ENDED.

Now I know I didn’t need to say any of these things because once I ask God for forgiveness I am forgiven. However, the time and place presented itself so he needed to know.  

Here is an excerpt from a book that I’m writing called The Past is in the Past Enjoy!

Trapped Inside a Box

Driving home from school on this dreary cold rainy evening I was comforted by the soulful sounds of Jill Scott. I must’ve heard this album hundreds of times yet today one verse stuck out and gave me an epiphany of what she could’ve possibly felt when she wrote the lyrics.

 “Why do do do I,I,I,I
Feel trapped inside a box when I just couldn’t fit
into it
Maybe I’ve been scared knowing what’s
there, In front of me maybe I been tryin to be
what they needed me to be
When I should of just been me”

I read these words and I can’t help but think how many people are trying to be something they are not? You want to be yourself but you know good and well that many people you are around probably wouldn’t really like that person or would have their opinions about your actions. You CHANGE, sometimes for better, sometimes for worst. All I know is if you want to have a good healthy relationship with anyone you change to keep that relationship healthy. In a union, you change some things that your partner may or may not like. You change to keep them happy. Sometimes people aren’t happy with the change they see because they want the “old” you to come back. But everyone knows in the beginning of any friendship you are being this polished individual. You are getting them to like and love you on your best behavior so when the REAL you emerges they already like and love you so whatev, who cares, right? I don’t know. I am just rambling but I just thought her feelings of being trapped inside of a box yet she couldn’t fit into it made me visualize a baby trying to fit inside of something small and it’s funny, except as an adult it’s uncomfortable. If we are who we really say we are in the beginning would those people in your circle still be by your side?